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- Fathers show the way. Children, as
they grow up, observe their fathers' approach to work, relationships, and
other interests. A child sees graphically what a father does. In addition,
a father may consciously teach a workaholic orientation as a philosophy of
success. If the father disparages leisure, has limited outside interests,
and puts the farm ahead of his wife's needs, then the child grows up
thinking this is normal and natural and can become a workaholic too.
- Workaholism attempts to overcome
shame. Many workaholics come from a farm childhood where they experienced
workaholism, alcoholism, abuse, or neglect. Feelings of low self-esteem
come from these distorted family experiences. Children deaden their
feelings to cope with the inner pain. To feel OK about themselves, they
may adopt a lifestyle of achievement to attempt to earn the admiration and
respect of others. Work is their answer for the lack of love and approval
they feel.
Inner fears, shame, and feelings of
inadequacy from childhood can keep an adult from disclosing feelings and
thoughts in close relationships. The primary need is to prove competence
through work. The relative isolation of the farm and the ability to farm
alone allows a farmer to make a good living and not interact with a lot of
people. This isolation and workaholic behavior may mask the insecurity and
the threat felt in relating to others.
- Farming is highly competitive
work. Farmers grow up in a highly competitive world where they compare
themselves with others in order to judge self-worth. Limited experiences
outside of farming and the farming community work against the formation of
an independent judgment of worth.
Peer competition in school and
sports continues into farming in adult life. Farm management techniques
and decisions are commonly known and talked about. The compulsion toward
work may also serve as a way of bolstering esteem and respect in the
community as a whole. The improvements and ideas implemented are highly
visible to fellow farmers. The pride factor fuels expansion of farm work.
- Easy to justify. Is it any wonder,
then, that a workaholic farmer uses his knowledge of farming to discount
demands or requests from his wife that compete with farm interests? Using
the considerations of financial survival and good management as his basis,
he justifies the intensity and amount of effort he puts into the farm.
His logic holds up if his standards
for success are strictly farm related. Unfortunately, he has confused the
ends and the means. The farm is not something to make successful for its
own self or something to burnish one’s own pride. However, if a farmer
views the farm as a tool to bring happiness of his wife and children,
along with his own physical and mental health, then hard work has its
place on a farm and doesn’t become workaholism.
Visit Dr. Farmer’s web site at:
www.valfarmer.com. Reprinted with permission of The Preston Connection.
Sponsored by CSU Cooperative Extension, SE Area.
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